Facebook Lent (A virtual Fast) – Week 5.5 – Suicidal Thoughts

image of people waving goodbye

… auf wiedersehen, adieu

People do leave facebook though

Yeah really. I’m not the only arsehole to sod off the biggest website in the universe. There’s a few different approaches to ‘facebook suicide’:

Many go out in a blaze of glory, declaring that…

“I’m sick of this shit man, I’m bored of the haters man, you guys don’t know me, you don’t know the REAL me, this website’s a pile of wank”

Swiftly followed by…

“but you can of course contact me on my mobile (by text or call anytime you want, if you can’t get me there, here’s my husbands number) email address (well this is my personal email, but have my work one as well in case it ends up in the junk folder), I’m still in the same house, so swing by for a brew (but here’s my mums address – I’m usually there on Sunday for lunch around 2-4ish), I’ve also kept a fax from the late 90’s, in case of such situations, best try a few times with this as the connections a bit iffy….

LATERZ SHITHEADS.

And that’s that.

Or you get the quietly disappearing types, who simply leave a shadowy silhouette of a person, where there profile photo once was.

You ask them why they fucked off and they say “facebook’s shit innit”.

Then they reappear a few months later, after they decide they can’t be arsed to speak to real people anymore.

I know that I can't take no more, It ain't no lie...

I know that I can’t take no more, It ain’t no lie…

I’ll most probably be back though, unless,  throughout the process of this challenge

  1.  I find Jesus
  2. I say ‘it’s so liberating’ more that 10 times, over the next month or so
  3. Have some major epiphany; a sudden, striking revelation about how this process has really bettered me as a person. How I’ve grown, my whole outlook on life has matured, I just can’t be a slave to this corporate whore anymore.
    I’M NOT A PRODUCT. I AM A HUMAN BEING.
  4. I get knocked down by a bus

The whole facebook ‘suicide’ has even got its own form of assisted ‘Dignatas’ style hara-kiri. And you don’t even have to travel to bloody Switzerland to get it over and done with.

This exists http://suicidemachine.org/

This online Kamikaze package autosends nice ‘suicide’ notes that to your ‘friends’, on your behalf. I think it’s the small touches that make this whole process a lot more easier for all involved.

Relax – This won’t hurt.

[insert fucking Goofey joke]

[insert fucking Goofy joke]

Why people Fuck off.

On the 13th February the Pew Research Center’s Internet & American Life Project released findings of their study into the behaviors of Americans and facebook.

A huge 67% of online Americans, are members of facebook.What’s also interesting is that 61% of these users say that they’ve taken a ‘facebook vacation’, giving differing reasons for their absence. (more here – thanks Boing Boing )

Let’s visit a few of those…

not having enough time

For what exactly? I don’t have enough time to call my mum everyday. Doesn’t mean that I’m going to  quit talking to my mother because my schedule is just a little busy at the minute.
For some, it can be a time consuming exercise though. Once you’ve facebook stalked one person, it’s amazing how Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon your life becomes, and before you know it, it’s 4am, you’ve got 1 eye open trying to focus on the laptop screen and you’re surrounded by empty bottles of Merlot

Andohmygodisthathisnewbird
jesuschristshesletherselfgo

lack of interest

What’s there to be interested in, in the first place? It’s not one of the Seven Wonders of the World or the Guinness Book of Records. Of interest of course is…see below for “excessive gossip or “drama” from their friends”

absence of compelling content

If the sole reason you go on facebook is for compelling content you need to stop watching Hollyoaks and start reading a book; that’s not got pictures in it.

excessive gossip or “drama” from their friends

Bollocks. THIS IS THE ONLY REASON TO GO ON FACEBOOK, as long as it doesn’t concern me, and my proper friends. I can’t get enough of a bit of dirty laundry public-ness. Instant, online Coronation Street slash Jeremy Kyle, live on my knee. Yus.

concerns that they were spending too much time on fb and needed a break

what next? “Hello my name’s Victoria and I’m an facebook addict.”
‘We’, as a collective British ‘public’, are paying more nowadays for other people’s rehabilitation from over indulgence. It sounds daft, but we’ll soon (probably) see social network support groups popping up in church halls, up and down the land very soon. I reckon we’re about 1 year away from a plastic cup of watery orange squash, a Nice biscuit and the 10 steps to Social Networking recovery.

Whatever your reason for facebook suicide, kicking the bucket, shuffling off your  mortal coil, running down the curtain and joining the bleedin’ choir invisible, remember… it’s better to burn out, than to fade away.

Just blog about it for 40 days and 40 nights instead.

here's a happy photo

These people are winning, yey.

Advertisements

What you sayin'?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s